he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
