i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
