Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
