The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What a dumb baby whore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
