You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
