Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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