grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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