Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
