So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
