I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
