i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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