she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
