You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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