She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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