Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
