we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How naked do you want me to be?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
