This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
