I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
