So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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