Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You can't just leave with hair like that
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
