Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
