Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
