I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
