fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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