for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
