i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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