I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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