Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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