You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
