Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Randomize
