They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
be right there i have to get my cape
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
