So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
