You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
