I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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