you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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