He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
