I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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