we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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