The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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