In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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