Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
