I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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