Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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