im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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