Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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