the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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