why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize