he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
