dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
