The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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