Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
