Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
