I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
