He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
