I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
