I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
