So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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